The Widening Gap

I'm usually a zombie while riding the subway but something odd happened yesterday and it made me remember something that used to bug me a great deal - before I became an apathist.

Yesterday I'm getting onto a partially full subway car and spot an empty seat. I decide to sit down, because, well, I'm lazy sometimes. The kid next to me, couldn't have been more than 15 (looked about 12 except for the sprouts of facial hair and his height - 6 ft probably), had his knee pressed into my knee. He didn't move it when I sat down - just stared vacantly (obviously stoned or high or something like that - I'd know since I'm usually that way myself).

Anyway, he must have had nads the size of grapefruit, because he couldn't close his legs. It was sad, really. This kid took up two seats so that he could air out his boys. I figure he either needed a salve or surgery. That's just not right. So while I used to get annoyed with inconsiderate young men who think it's more important to show their world to the car full of strangers, I now believe that most are afflicted with jock itch or elephantiasis.

More to come...

I've got it!

A new reality show idea!

Let's elect our next president by putting 20 candidates in a mansion together and have them duke it out with contests requiring wisdom, diplomacy, keeping cool under fire, and a really good golf game!

At the end of each episode, America can go online and vote one of them off the property!

Last man standing gets the big white house!

That sounds about the right speed for this Wal Mart shopping, SUV driving, McDonalds eating, Survivor watching populace.

More to come...

Why is everyone so depressed?

Walking down the street in NYC the past couple days and you'd think everyone's dog had died. Or that the Yankees had lost ingloriously in the playoffs. Or that Dubya had been re-elected? Okay, so I'm sure someone somewhere has had all three of these tragedies occur in the past month, but for most of us, we've only got to contend with two. Big deal, I say.

Some people are running around as if the sky is falling. Others are considering the best way to commit seppuku. Others yet are looking into immigration laws in European democracies or even Canada (not even I could stoop that low).

The truth is, at least as I see it, nothing's changed. We still have the same president. We still have the same government. Politicians are all losers anyway, so who really cares? I mean, I'd much rather spend my evenings watching Lost than the debates anyway. And really, would even "I have a mandate" Dubya dare cancel Lost? I figured in 4 more years the country will be so sick of the Bush family they won't elect another one for president for at least 4 to 8 years. After that we'll have to wait for one of the Bush daughters to get over her coke habit and become born again and run out on her Air National Guard service before we have to deal with another Bush in the big white house.

To tell the truth, I think this is where politics needs to be more like professional sports. It seems to me that Karl Rove is the Michael Jordan of political strategists, so I think the Democrats should sign him as a free agent or maybe trade Hillary for him. That way he can dig up dirt on Republicans for a change. I'm sure he's not in this politics thing because he believes in his party's causes. I mean, for him to be passionate about something, he'd need a heart or a soul or something, right? So sign him up and win in 2008 by suggesting that the Republican candidate is a closet fag or something. It's possible, right? Look at the governor of Jersey.

More to come...

Another Tie?

American presidential politics is turning more and more into a soccer match.

I am proud of the American people though, they actually got off their asses, missed an episode of Oprah, and went to the polls.

More to come...

Vote Early! Vote Often!

Does anyone actually believe that elections in this country are run fairly anymore? Perhaps I need to go back to my strict policy of never reading the newspaper or watching the news on TV, but I've heard more stories leading up to this election that make me believe that shenanigans are rampant among both parties throughout the country. It's a debacle of the highest order. I think we'll have lawsuits going until 2006 and Ralph Nader will ultimately come out on top.

An Aside: Did he even qualify for the ballot in enough states to gain a majority of the electoral votes if he won every state he qualified? Did that question make any sense?

This also got me to thinking. A new political party organized completely through blogs could be a powerful force in this country. Or not. I mean, we'd have to all agree on our platform and I think that'd suck.

More to come...

Happy Halloween!

Today is one of the best days of the year for guys like me. I take my camera down to the Halloween Parade here in NYC and sell the footage to one of the news starved news programs. It's always the same...

"In other news, the Halloween Parade was filled with more ghosts and goblins than ever this year. Here's some footage we've acquired. See all the weirdos? Oh, look at that, isn't he cute? What is that? Is that Michael Jackson giving a piggy back ride to an 8 year old?"

Anyway, I'll make some coin for the tape I'll make and I'l probably get laid. Chicks dig the guy with the camera on a day when everyone's dressed like freaks.

More to come...

Lo Siento, I've been away

I know I've been a good little blogger for a while now, but then took quite a break between entries. I'd like to apologize to all of my faithful readers, most of whom have probably abandoned me for more frequent writers. I felt like I'd built up so much momentum. I had up to 6 people a day reading this blog! It feels so nice to be able to give something back to people you don't know.

Anyway, the first season of Without a Drought finished taping and then Barry asked me to edit the footage. Well, I've done some editing, but never for a prime time reality TV show. Needless to say that took a lot of my time.

And then about a week ago I got a letter from the IRS enquiring about my lack of tax payment for the past, oh, 20 years. Six days in Mexico took care of that - new identity, new hair color, and a whole new wardrobe. They'll never recognize me as a mariachi with a movie camera in my guitar case.

More to come...

Bedlam & Violence

Apparently there is some big baseball series going on. The Yankees are playing the Red Sox or something? Don't they do that every year? What's the big deal?

Anyway, I was down in the village last night (don't ask which village - if you don't know, you're not cool enough to hang out there) and the game had just let out. I guess the Yankees won, because all the guys in "NY" hats were urinating on the guys in "B" hats. I'm all for a little pee fun now and again, but I had to draw the line when a guy in an "NY" hat took a "B" hat off the head of a little kid and threw it into traffic. I mean, what kind of parent lets their kid wear a "B" hat in NYC after dark? Doesn't he know we're dangerous!

What happened to the Devil Rays? did they lose?

More to come...

The Worst Marketing Job in the World

So something occurred to me recently. At Barry's office, he still gets direct fax marketing through his fax machine. I didn't even know this stuff existed, but he asked me to get something that someone had faxed to him... I guess he asked me instead of his secretary since she was out to lunch and I was sitting next to the fax machine at the time... anyway, there were like 45 pages of new faxes. He had:

17 offers for $99 cruises

12 offers for $99 "Disney vactions"

8 offers to get in on a new IPO - does that have something to do with stocks?

7 offers for time shares in "lovely tropical settings" such as the Bahamas, Haiti, and Hoboken NJ.

And 1 fax from the guy he wanted a fax from.

44 wasted pages of paper that nobody would have even looked at except I have a morbid curiousity for really bad marketing campaigns.

I mean, in the world of email and pop-up ads, don't you think there are cheaper and more efficient forms of mass marketing than wasting hundreds or thousands of sheets of paper at businesses around the country? That's just bad business.

Do you think there's some guy sitting at a fax machine typing in each fax number in turn? Do you think somebody actually makes a living off direct fax marketing? If someone does, I'm guessing they aren't living in a nice house or driving a new car.

Oh, almost all the faxes had numbers at the bottom where you could call to unsubscribe. I tried a few of them. Most of them went to a guy's answering machine so I called a buddy at the phone company. Sure enough, most of these fax numbers are paid for by a guy in West Virginia. Turns out his phone bill is way overdue.

More to come...

I just got an email saying...

the security of my Citibank account has been violated by an online villian.

I doubt that's true, because...

I don't have a Citibank account.

These spammers and identity theft criminals should really get better marketing data before sending these things out.